The waltz of love: One of the most incredible experiences in life
What an emotionally exciting time, probably one of the most wonderful times in your life. When you eventually fall in love with the person who you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with you actually develop an unconscious emotional attraction to that person called love. You have finally met your match, as the saying goes. Something clicks.
There is a process you go through during the early days of the relationship. After all, you are two complete individuals with completely different backgrounds, different lives. When you first meet this person you make a mental conscious decision to just begin to open up your life to this person.
The balancing act takes place, two individuals at the opposite end of the fulcrum of love trying to decide the steps that need to take place so that both can walk the fulcrum without losing balance. You first decide to kiss, make out, etc. etc. etc. You have to walk tenderly so that you do not lose your balance.
The ultimate balancing act is eventually getting to the point in the relationship where you open your self up to sex. Thanks to the sexual revolution ushered in by the development of the pill dating involves all of the activities of a relationship. When this occurs the door to the soul really begins to open up. The emotional bond of love really takes on a new meaning.
The goal is to meet in the middle, to come together, to fall in love.
The waltz of love is a most wonderful song. It is pleasurable. The birds sing it every day. It is in the smell of the flowers. The sunset. All things are wonderful. Two kids back in the playpen of love, only now as adults. It is happiness personified. When it works.
The other way of looking at this process is that at first you are two independent small circles that represent the soul of your individual lives. When you finally do meet in the middle the circles meet and begin forming a larger single circle where both souls are combined. You and your partner decide together how fast and how far you are going to combine the circles. It is as if you have a trap door to your soul that you open up. The feelings of the unconscious start rushing into consciousness.
Relationships that end do so because one of the two decide to quit opening the circle any further because of the fear of getting hurt. There is one emotion that balances the emotion of love and that is the emotion of vulnerability, which is a fear of getting hurt. Getting to the point where you consciously think about marriage happens when you conquer this fear.
The objective of dating is to determine if you want to open up yourself to the vulnerability associated with loving someone. This has become a bar that is being raised every year, particularly with all of the examples of divorce that society has shown us.
The professional daters also know the waltz of love very well. They live by it. Only they know not to let it go on too long because they also know the other side of the waltz very well, the vulnerability side. We have a new class of adults in today’s society who have had very unfortunate experiences in past relationships where a wall has been built between the unconscious and the conscious, a wall of vulnerability that is impossible to get over.
The goal is to get over the wall.
Our psyches experience thoughts and feelings and when you start spending time with this new love you start combining your thoughts and feelings with your partners. You laugh at the good times together. You talk together about your thoughts and feelings. The circles come together.
What is the most interesting during this time of the relationship is that you disprove one of the most fundamental misunderstandings of our psyche that men don’t feel. The sarcastic term used to describe a man with feelings is that he has found his “feminine side”. The implication with this term is that a man with feelings must be feminine. A man is not supposed to feel. After all, good boys don’t cry.
The psychological teachings describe an unconscious character trait called the anima that exists in the psyche of the man that is man’s vision of his idea of the perfect woman. And the fundamental element behind this character trait is that it is based on feelings. This character trait isn’t simply thoughts. A man doesn’t simply think this woman has blue eyes, he is attracted to the blue eyes, or that this woman works as a marketing rep at a large pharmaceutical company but that he is proud of her successful career.
A man feels for a woman, has feelings for a woman. This fact is in the most basic writings. And during the early part of the relationship the man shows these feelings. He buys flowers, compliments her on her looks, and develops an emotional bond for her that is called the feeling of love.
Men in negative relationships simply suppress the feeling of love, put it back upstairs in the attic of the unconscious, hoping that it may come back out someday and play again. Men do feel. Women do think. Men also think. Women also feel.
You eventually get to the point in the relationship where you have overcome the obstacle of vulnerability and realize that he or she is it. You are in love and want to spend the rest of your life with this one person. You have that extra step in your walk. What a joyful time!
Then he asks her to marry him, she cries and says yes; romantic love at its finest. A humorous question is then asked by everyone else who both people know when they say “do you really only want to sleep with this one person for the rest of your life”?
