A husband and wife recently celebrated twenty-one years of marriage. Still deeply in love, the wife has been battling episodes of depression and it hasn’t been easy. For several months now, she hasn’t felt like her old self. Desperately searching for ways to feel clear, happy, and healthy again, she’s tried all of the standard medical remedies with debatable benefit.
Deep down, every husband wants to make his wife feel good. But nothing he had said or did seemed to help break the mental-emotional fog that had descended on his lovely wife. To celebrate their anniversary, the couple met for drinks at their favorite restaurant. The conversation and the date started poorly. He could tell she wasn’t going to be herself again. Saddened and slightly frustrated at what seemed to be a missed opportunity for a joyful anniversary celebration, the man was at a loss for how to save the evening and deeply reconnect with the woman he loves. Then, in a flash of inspiration, the husband said, “Honey, I love you so much and I am so grateful and lucky to be your partner. I am going to share with you twenty-one things I appreciate about you to represent the twenty-one years we’ve been married.” Then he began to share.
As he stated each appreciation, he reflected on all of the joys and trials, the funny and the mundane life experiences that two people collect together over twenty-one years. “I appreciate what a wonderful friend you are to me and how you always help me see the big picture.” “I appreciate that even back when we were dating how you made me feel like I can accomplish anything and you still do.” “I appreciate how you’ve cooked such nurturing meals for the family over the years.” “I appreciate what a fantastic lover you are.”
By the fifth item, the husband began to weep in utter awe and appreciation for this beautiful, magnificent woman in his life. As he shared each item, she at first felt shy and slightly embarrassed. She laughed and tried to sweep away the love and praise. But as he continued, something deep and profound opened up in her and cut through the fog. The wife began to cry too. Crying and laughing together, they caused quite a scene in the restaurant and it didn’t matter one bit. The more the husband shared, the more he cried tears of joy. The more she took in, the more she felt filled up.
By the twenty-first sincere appreciation, there was a palpable feeling of love and care filling the entire restaurant. Overflowing with a feeling of buoyancy, support, and love, she felt like she hadn’t felt in a long, long time. The husband felt open, caring, and protective. They left the restaurant and well, since there may be kids reading this, you’ll have to just guess at the passion the couple unleashed back at home.
After I heard this story, I felt inspired to share my own twenty-one things I deeply appreciate about my love too. We already have an active appreciation practice where each night before bed, we lie together and reflect on our day and what we appreciated about it. It’s a wonderful bonding ritual. But last night, instead of doing our usual practice, I gazed into her eyes and told her the twenty-one things I appreciate about her. To my surprise, as I kept sharing, she started to cry with joy. I could see her and feel her fill up with love. Man, it feels really good to make the one you care about feel that loved and appreciated. If you want to make the ones you care about overflow with feelings of love and support and buoyancy, look into their eyes, say, “I love you. I want to share twenty-one things that I deeply appreciate about you,” Try it tonight.
